blog twelve / I miss you, tatay.

three years ago. today. my father passed away.

he battled cancer for nearly two years after being given only six months to live.

he was not only my father. he was my best friend. my confidant. my best man.

my inspiration to be a designer. my hero.

he was so supercool.

he taught me how to draw. to be a gentleman. about friendship. to swing a golf club.

he introduced me to rock n' roll. and ian fleming's james bond novels. and kurosawa films. and the ways of the samurai.

and chicken adobo. and spaghetti westerns. and jack purcell sneakers. and how to be a rebel.

and I wouldn't be the rockstar I am today without him.

I miss you, tatay. everyday.

and its hard for me to think about that day three years ago.

I spoke to you the night before I flew out to maryland.

you had not been doing that well, so you thought it would be good for me to come out, labor day weekend.

but that night on the phone, you sounded so clear. calm. your voice sounded good.

and we talked a very long time.

I didn't realize that would be goodbye.

the last time we would speak.

the next day on the ground.

at BWI airport. after I picked up my rental car.

and I was just getting behind the wheel.

the call came through.

from tito ramon. your older brother.

telling me that you had just passed away.

while napping.

it is a three-hour drive from BWI to salisbury, MD.

and on labor day weekend, the traffic was supposed to be horrible.

I made it in an hour and a half.

I don't even remember the drive, but people kept calling me to check in with me.

see if I was ok. that maybe I should pull over and stop.

the grief was crippling.

but I had to get there.

and so I did.

you were on your bed.

cold, but peaceful.

that was probably the most difficult three days for me.

and because I don't drink or drug myself anymore / I really had nothing to numb myself from all of it.

I thank all for the support during that time and the continued support to this day.

I miss you tatay.

mahal kita.

[ r ]